Are you okay?

Michael Jackson was my idol. My brother. And my father. He was my everything. I have never cried this much in my entire life. Not even when family members or really close friends went away. I just don't cry. And that's just the way it is.

Or was.

When my relatives, friends and collegues see me after it happened, they always - hasn't failed yet - ask me this: Are you okay?
And my answer? My very honest answer, and that is what I tell them, is no. I am not okay. At all. But I try to cope. To move on.

And as honest as that answer is, it doesn't go anywhere near the real answer, the real truth that I feel inside.

Michael Jackson is to me even more important than family and friends. I might describe him as my very closest friend. And I know that doesn't make sense - but humour me a little here!
Because since the age of eight, when I first heard his music, and thus became a fan, Michael Jackson has been a constant factor in my life. Since the age of eight, my parents had a divorce, I moved several times in my childhood, I lost my mother and my brother, lovers come and go. But Michael stayed. He was the constant. He supported me through the toughest times in my life, and in 2004-6, I supported him back. His love was never ending. And so is mine.

He was my star in the sky, to follow at night when all goes dark. And now that star has gone out. And I don't know which way to go.