I went to London this Thursday, the 23rd. On Friday, I was supposed to have seen him for the very first time with my own two eyes, live in concert. Alive.
Instead of experiencing the high point of my life, celebrating the man I call my greatest idol - I was mourning that evening along with fellow fabs at the O2 Arena. That's right, I went anyways. Because I wanted to. And maybe because I needed closure of some kind.
Did I get closure? I don't think so. It still feels painful inside, and it will probably continue that way for a while. But I got to see the love that surrounded him.
At the Arena, a HUGE board had been set up for fans to write messages to Michael. Along with a photo of him and the statement - Michael Jackson, 1958-2009. On that board people had written messages 'till there were no more space to write on. And still they kept ón writing. Messages on top of messages on top of messages. Messages of love. Messages of sorrow. Messages of thankfulness and gratitude and messages of remembrance. It brought tears to my eyes as the feelings from the last month overwelmed me. Feelings of extreme gratitude towards the man who taught me to love. And to live.
Someone had changed the statement on the board. Instead of saying 1958-2009, someone had covered up the last year, and written in its' place: Forever.
And that is so true.
For through me, Michael Joseph Jackson lives on.
Michael Jackson
1958-Forever
I love you
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
What if...
The swineflu is everywhere these days. It started in, what, Mexico? Spread like a plague to the USA and the Mediterranian countries and so forth to the rest of the world. The current centres of the flu seems to be Mexico,the US and England. And that is where I am going. England, that is.
On July 24th I was supposed to experience the all time hight of my life. I was going to see Michael Jackson live in concert. And somehow that didn't happen! I got the ticket refund, but the travel was set in stone. So I am still going to London. Oh yay...
So London! The Eye, Birmingham thingie, metro and bowlerhats. Been there, done that. Twice. What will I do instead?
Well, what if I accidentally catch the swine flu? It can happen, you know. What if I caught it, and the doctors told me: You're going to die.
What would you do?
What I would do?
I would tell my father that I see him in myself more and more every day.
I would tell Sus, that she saved me. From myself.
I would tell my old teacher, Mike, how much he taught me about life.
I would thank my old historyteacher, Axel Moos, that he ignited my spark.
I would tell my brother to get his act together, before he ends up being all alone.
I would tell my mother, to do what she did the best - be a mother. Instead of a friend. It hurts, but it's better that way.
And I would tell myself, to awaken. And be a better person.
"If you want to make the World a better place,
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change."
- Man In The Mirror, Michael Jackson (Glenn Ballard, Siedah Garret)
On July 24th I was supposed to experience the all time hight of my life. I was going to see Michael Jackson live in concert. And somehow that didn't happen! I got the ticket refund, but the travel was set in stone. So I am still going to London. Oh yay...
So London! The Eye, Birmingham thingie, metro and bowlerhats. Been there, done that. Twice. What will I do instead?
Well, what if I accidentally catch the swine flu? It can happen, you know. What if I caught it, and the doctors told me: You're going to die.
What would you do?
What I would do?
I would tell my father that I see him in myself more and more every day.
I would tell Sus, that she saved me. From myself.
I would tell my old teacher, Mike, how much he taught me about life.
I would thank my old historyteacher, Axel Moos, that he ignited my spark.
I would tell my brother to get his act together, before he ends up being all alone.
I would tell my mother, to do what she did the best - be a mother. Instead of a friend. It hurts, but it's better that way.
And I would tell myself, to awaken. And be a better person.
"If you want to make the World a better place,
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change."
- Man In The Mirror, Michael Jackson (Glenn Ballard, Siedah Garret)
Monday, July 06, 2009
Are you okay?
Michael Jackson was my idol. My brother. And my father. He was my everything. I have never cried this much in my entire life. Not even when family members or really close friends went away. I just don't cry. And that's just the way it is.
Or was.
When my relatives, friends and collegues see me after it happened, they always - hasn't failed yet - ask me this: Are you okay?
And my answer? My very honest answer, and that is what I tell them, is no. I am not okay. At all. But I try to cope. To move on.
And as honest as that answer is, it doesn't go anywhere near the real answer, the real truth that I feel inside.
Michael Jackson is to me even more important than family and friends. I might describe him as my very closest friend. And I know that doesn't make sense - but humour me a little here!
Because since the age of eight, when I first heard his music, and thus became a fan, Michael Jackson has been a constant factor in my life. Since the age of eight, my parents had a divorce, I moved several times in my childhood, I lost my mother and my brother, lovers come and go. But Michael stayed. He was the constant. He supported me through the toughest times in my life, and in 2004-6, I supported him back. His love was never ending. And so is mine.
He was my star in the sky, to follow at night when all goes dark. And now that star has gone out. And I don't know which way to go.
Or was.
When my relatives, friends and collegues see me after it happened, they always - hasn't failed yet - ask me this: Are you okay?
And my answer? My very honest answer, and that is what I tell them, is no. I am not okay. At all. But I try to cope. To move on.
And as honest as that answer is, it doesn't go anywhere near the real answer, the real truth that I feel inside.
Michael Jackson is to me even more important than family and friends. I might describe him as my very closest friend. And I know that doesn't make sense - but humour me a little here!
Because since the age of eight, when I first heard his music, and thus became a fan, Michael Jackson has been a constant factor in my life. Since the age of eight, my parents had a divorce, I moved several times in my childhood, I lost my mother and my brother, lovers come and go. But Michael stayed. He was the constant. He supported me through the toughest times in my life, and in 2004-6, I supported him back. His love was never ending. And so is mine.
He was my star in the sky, to follow at night when all goes dark. And now that star has gone out. And I don't know which way to go.
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