My Father and Brother is dead

I am in a State of total and utter shock. More than I have ever been.
A man who has been a constant in my life since I was eight years old, is gone. He was my father. He was my brother. He was my mentor.

Michael Jackson is dead.
Even writing that sentence brings tears to my eyes.

I first heard his music at eight years old, my best friend introduced me to the Man In The Mirror from the Bad album. I remember listening to that soft voice, watching the album cover, trying to figure out for myself, whether Michael Jackson was a man or a woman!
But I was intrigued. I had to hear more! I simply had to! And I certainly did.

Now, 12 years later, I am the fan to break dimensions. I have the CDs, the records, the banners, the books and the gloves (yes, I own multiple of them!). I even have the dolls, for Christs sake!
And I cannot describe the love and admiration I have for the man that was Michael Jackson. His appearance, his stage show, his dancing, his singing, and definitely not least - his message to the world. And yet, he was no perfect man. He had flaws, like the rest of us. Like a cross between God and Human. Maybe and Angel? Maybe the new Jesus? Who suffered cardiac arrest to safe us from our sins? Something of the sort.

I was looking forward to the biggest event of my entire life, when I finally got tickets for the upcoming concerts this summer. And exactly one month before - his heart stops beating.
For some reason, that's the hardest thing to handle for me. It just stopped beating. Like that! Did he give up? Or had God really sacrified his soul, and wanted his Angel to come back to the skies?

My heart is broken. My brain is screaming in my skull. The Air is missing from my lungs. And it will be a long time before I Can breathe again.

To the memory of Michael Jackson. May he rest in peace. My father, my brother.

My everything

Perfect isn't easy

BUT it's meeeeee! That's how Lynette the Poodle describes herself in the Disney animated musical classic Oliver & Co. from the late 80'ies. Voiced by the fabulous Bette Middler, she enravels her perfect life and poise in a posh perfect - and barking - rendition, including dancing birds, mad dogs and a wind machine worthy of the Eurovision Song Contest in Moscow this year. A truly gay moment in Disney history.

But is perfect really not that easy? I mean, if one was to tell one-self - from this day, from this very second: I am perfect. Perfection. Will work perfectly. Behave perfectly. Not hurt a soul. Never hurt myself. Kinda like a nun - but without the vows of chastity and such. Would one actually be... Flawless?

I actually believe in perfection. Some people are just so damn good and pure, that you might actually be in danger of puking - or alternately catching a deadly disease - from just looking at them. Like some of the people on the Magazine covers. Before the media gets to them. They look perfect, with their perfect smile, perfectly white teeth, perfect photoshopping, perfect, perfect, fucking perfect! I wonder if one can have a plastic surgery called perfection?

But in church, most religions really, they say that man is imperfect. Man fails. We are all sinners. Even perfect people from covers of mags, and nuns and munks. And I actually talked to... Well, not a nun! But a very religious female about this. She said that every single day, when she wakes up, she tells herself: 'This is going to be a good day.' And then she goes through the day - and it is exactly that! When talking about sin, she said that she is not perfect. No one is but God. But as long as you regret your imperfections and wrong turns in life, God will forgive. There has to be evil, so that there can be good.

I am not a religious person, and do not believe in God or any others holy figure. But I do believe in the duality of humanity. In good and evil.
But I still wonder. Is it really that easy? Regret and have faith? Is our bad conscience really our way to becoming perfect? Or is it God?

I am not sure I even wanna know. But one thing I know for sure.

Today is a good day.

Awakening

Mhmm...

Mhm.. Nuh...

Mhmm, whaat? Orh, not right now, honey. I'm sleeping...

Honey...

Oh, alright! Where's the lube?

And so - I got fu... Uh, I mean - awakened!